Pacific's league finale against Chigwell at North Middlesex CC was frustratingly cut short by rain waterlogging the pitch, though to be honest this couple of downpours probably saved us from defeat after we were bowled out for only 121.

Despite the day being cut short, the match was not uneventful. Pacific were graced by two of Mutz's former team-mates from Dorset, who made a delightful double act: the left-handed Chris Blake did well opening the batting and was unlucky to get caught on the pull; and Brett Custard was Mustard at No 9, top-scoring with 32 not out. Colonel Custard even banged a six into a nearby garden at cow corner, following which the irate occupant walked off with the ball, refusing to give it back, and demanded the batsman's name for the purposes of her imminent witness statement to police.  

We kept schtum, but it wouldn't have mattered in any case since (1) she may well have thought the name Custard was a joke, (2) the police would have laughed at such a report from someone who has chosen to live next to a cricket pitch, and (3) the ball would have had the bowling side's fingerprints all over it – in particular, those of opening bowlers Allum and Hannant (Chigwell being "Gremless" in the absence of regular opener Hutchinson).

After Custard ran out of suicidal batting partners, skipper Toby said at the interval: "Though Chigwell bowled and caught pretty well, we really didn't help ourselves by playing some ridiculous shots, particularly given the match situation. And though it was a stopping pitch we should have easily scored 200-plus with the batting line-up we have. Must try harder."

As predicted, the rain scuppered proceedings after only a couple of overs of Chiggles' innings. Despite some attempts by club legends to remedy the situation (see picture)  and an urgent trip to a local B&Q for sawdust, it was too much. We stayed in the pavilion and played table tennis instead, which is a good sport, but just not cricket.

When interviewed after the match, Toby said: "Fives have won the Middlesex and Essex Invitation League in their first season, so congratulations to them. This match being abandoned as a draw leaves us in third place, just one point behind Chigwell, so well done to them too – and particularly to former occasional Pacific player Rob Allum for taking four slip catches. The bastard. [Allum also bowled through for 12 overs and opened the batting.] Here's hoping we can do better next season."

Match manager extraordinaire Kieran Mullens, absent on Sunday as he was busy heroically raising money for bowel cancer charities by swimming the River Dart in Devon, added: "Thanks to all those who contributed to our efforts in the league over the course of the season. We look forward to some great afternoons of cricket in 2018, whether that be in the MEIL or the North East London League, as has been proposed."

Geek corner: This was the first ever Middlesex & Essex Invitation League match to be held on a Saturday rather than a Sunday, which was due to pitch availability.

Middlesex & Essex Invitation League 2017: The final table