We're going to Wem-ber-ley...
Pacific v Bentley Heath at Wrotham Park  Sun 25-Jul-2004 at 1pm
Won 6 wickets

We bowled first; they got 137.

Then we batted; Braden got 70, helping us to 141 with plenty of overs to go.

We won! Yay!

Bentley Heath apparently scored 137 in 45 overs (Grigg 3 for 22, Boonaert 2 for 22, Alexander 2 for 28)

Pacific scored 141 by the 27th over (Grigg 70, Davies 18, Bastin 17)

Last year this fixture saw Pacific capitulate horribly after stout star batsman Jim Davies ripped his calf while batting. Not this time, my friends, not this time… For this time we stoved in their puny little heads with stones – in cricket form! Relax – that was just a metaphor, no one was stoned or injured much. By the way, the ground is in picturesque Wrotham Park and the stately home nearby was used for the filming of Gosford Park, which was directed by Robert Altman.

Tom Brown and Marcel Booneart opened the bowling and were soon M*A*S*H*ing (1970) their way through the opposition’s batting. Booneart removed the two openers, enduring a few Short Cuts (1993) on his knee in the dive for a Popeye-brave (1980) caught-and-bowled. Soon, Tom Brown gave Bentley’s no. 3 the Long Goodbye (1973), rending his stumps Black and Blue (1993). More wickets would have fallen sooner but for a slip cordon that was akin to 3 Women (1977).

Mike Alexander then entered the fray to mix things up a bit, and narrowly missed out on an early wicket as Braden Grigg, up till then on course for The Player (1992) of the season, failed to steal a sharp catch at square leg – if only he was more like Thieves Like Us (1974). Oli Haill, with his boots now fully spiked and Prêt-à-Porter (1994), was added to the attack from the other end and quickly began to terrorise the batters, keeping it tight and frequently beating the bat. His terrible run of luck with his fielders continued as he saw Grigg put down another, even easier, catch that left both players almost Beyond Therapy (1987). Alexander made A Perfect Couple (1979) of breakthroughs, however, getting edges off both batsmen for astro-physical keeper Bastin to take well.

Slow bowlers Grigg and Jim Davies brought some results as, despite lbws turned down at both ends (Davies’ imaginary, as usual, but enthusiastically appealed for), the batsmen tried to increase the run rate. Davies enticed young Bentley batsman Hubbard, O. into a lofted shot on 49 and Grigg made up for his two drops with three wickets: a stumping by Bastin, an excellent steepling catch well held by John Brown and an lbw that finished the innings.

After tea Lucius Faisal got Pacific off to a excellent start with a six of the second ball and ten off the first over. Vaibhav Puri ably assisted in the other opener’s slot, but could only watch until Faisal lofted one pathetically to mid-on. Swansea-man Davies lumbered up to the crease, his calf giving him no grief and the sheep in the nearby field causing only a minor distraction. He was immediately taking wickets again, as he called Puri on his first ball, resulting in a run out. (He would have been in if he'd grounded his bat! - Ed)

The opposition looked on innocently, perhaps even confidently, as floppy-hatted Victorian (Australian, not time-travelling) catch dropper Grigg ambled on out to the strip. He soon began to stick the ball to all corners, giving a few balls an absolute towelling, to use his abstruse terminology. Twelve overs later the Taffy-Aussie partnership had taken the score halfway to the target.

Davies departed for 18 to a looping delivery from a young Bentley spinner and Haill was introduced. Some on the sidelines expected the match to soon be brought to a swift end. The swift end was Haill’s, unfortunately, as his attempt to temper his normally pugnacious attitude with a more deft technique resulted in a damp squib of an on-drive that flopped easily to a fielder. Bastin’s approach was far more adept, and he, playing second fiddle to the still-rampant Grigg, helped to usher in the victory, eventually hitting the final runs down the ground for four.

Man of the Match: Difficult to give it to someone who dropped me, but Braden did take 3 wickets and blast 70 off 60-or-so balls.

Packing the Kit: Hmm, Haill for a useless duck or Grigg, for dropping two catches? Easy – Braden again!

XI:- Mike Alexander, Rob Bastin+, Marcel Boonaert, Jon Brown, Tom Brown, Jim Davies, Lucius Fasial, Braden Grigg, Oli Haill, Vaibhav Puri & Nigel Wilkinson*.

The next round is away against Turnham Green by August 8th.

Bentley Heath v Pacific
Bentley Heath innings Runs Mins Balls 4s 6s
  T Jones b  12  0  0  0  0  
  A McParr c & b  4  0  0  0  0  
  A Marchant c Bastin b Alexander  20  0  0  0  0  
  T Goode b  7  0  0  0  0  
  O Hubbard c Faisal b Davies  49  0  0  0  0  
  M Hubbard c Bastin b Alexander  0  0  0  0  0  
  K Patel st Bastin b Grigg  13  0  0  0  0  
  R Harston lbw b Grigg  6  0  0  0  0  
  P Whiskin c Brown b Grigg  2  0  0  0  0  
  S Veysey run out  1  0  0  0  0  
  J Barnes not out  6  0  0  0  0  
 Extras (b 2, lb 4, w 9, nb 2) 17    
 TOTAL (44.5 Overs) 137 all out    
 Fall of wickets: 
Bowling O M R W  
  7 3 22 1  
  9 2 22 2  
 Mike Alexander 9 3 28 2  
 Oliver Haill 5 0 10 0  
 Jim Davies 8 2 18 1  
 Braden Grigg 7.5 1 22 3  
Pacific innings Runs Mins Balls 4s 6s
  Lucius Faisal c & b Barnes  10  10  8  0  1  
  Vaibhav Puri run out  4  12  11  0  0  
  Jim Davies b O Hubbard  18  42  37  3  0  
  Braden Grigg not out  70  77  61  10  2  
  Oliver Haill c & b Patel  0  4  3  0  0  
  Rob Bastin not out  17  31  21  2  0  
  Jon Brown did not bat  0  0  0  0  0  
  did not bat  0  0  0  0  0  
  Nigel Wilkinson did not bat  0  0  0  0  0  
  did not bat  0  0  0  0  0  
  Mike Alexander did not bat  0  0  0  0  0  
 Extras (b 3, lb 1, w 15, nb 0) 19    
 TOTAL (26.0 Overs) 141-4    
 Fall of wickets:  1-16 [Faisal] , 2-16 [Puri] , 3-70 [Davies] , 4-71 [Haill]
Bowling O M R W  
 Veysey 5 0 40 0  
 Barnes 7 2 9 1  
 Hubbard M 4 0 32 0  
 Hubbard O 4 1 20 1  
 Patel 5.2 0 21 1  
 Jones 1 0 17 0  

Other matches:
 Cricket 1 Hail 0, Mon 03-May-2010, Wrotham Park, Won 10 wickets
 Numbers go up for Heath but down for Pacific, Sun 28-Aug-2005, Wrotham Park, Cancelled
 Sun 11-Jul-2004, Broxbourne Sports Club, Cancelled
 Pacific Vase Hopes Shattered, Mon 05-May-2003, Wrotham Park, Lost 16 Runs